I'm just trying to be HAPPY :)

I never used an emoticon in my life. The one above is just for an image factor. That's actually a line from Leona Lewis' song HAPPY. When I heard it, I got kick off from my seat because of it's concoction in my brain. That's how I live and I can never forget the lines. It stabbed me directly into the left corner of my chest.

Things had been so hard for the past couple of months for me. I've got too much in my head plus the fact that I was carrying something in my heart. But I have one rule: DEAL WITH IT!

I go on with my life normally. Now, I can laugh the hardest way possibly I could. I can honestly say that sometimes I would just open my books and notes and just stare at them. The next day, I still got good grades (do not tolerate it!). A plague has taken over me. I tried to rest for how many weeks. Effortlessly, i still got what I wanted with school and friends.

Then again, I keep on telling myself, "Stop that! Who are you? You're not Julie Ann! Wake up!" I did. Just a couple of days ago. I couldn't be more insensitive to myself. I've got so much to deal with.

Honestly, I couldn't be happier because I'm back to my senses again. I'm back to the old me, just an improvised one.

...Holding on tightly, just can't let it go
Just trying to play role, slowly to disappear
But all these days, they feel like they're the same
Just different faces, different names, get me out of here
But I can't stand by your side
And watch this life pass me by

And I can't take to just play a role. No, I'm moving on from the things I've stupidly done for the past weeks. normal for others or so but so stupid for me. I've become a rebel in my own way. I've rebelled to my own self. I bowed to the evil me. As the fifth and sixth lines said, I can't stand to be on my own self living like this. I'd rather die. More so, I can't let my life pass me by.

My wheel has turned again: into a better schema. All I can think now is the present and the future. I love speaking to my parents more than ever I was born. I am dignified in facing the corporate world, full of challenges, full of distractions.

...So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world throws me off the edge
My feet off the the ground?

So what if the things I've done and trying to do would knock me out and break down again? Isn't life a psychological phase of learning? I don't really care if I have to cry on my mom's lap again. Everything might be thrown on my face but I will never cry on things that brings me down. Most of all, I don't give a big hesitance if it brings me to another planet. I still got my attitude with me.

... All I'm trying to say, I just want to be HAPPY!

She's really not just into you.

I kept on bugging myself when in fact I shouldn't. Yes, I'm still alive, just busy doing things more significant in my life now. Oh well, things have changed really.

I've met new friends. Sort of, like the person in this blog. Well, he's not that really new. I've met him wayback when stars and the moon aren't friends yet. My friends said he has huge crush on me. As always, as if I cared too much on that issue. I would just laugh with them. We would talk but just an 'inviting talk'. Like, "Uy, kain na daw... Pupunta ka ba? Aalis na kayo?... Ingat!" Just very casual lines.

Then, he would often go with my friends when we go out. We started knowing each other. We would now have a clear conversation. He started calling and texting me like my friends. Still, I don't believe it was his way of getting to know me more because what they say, he's going to court you any time.

Well, it did happen. Yes, it did excite me at first. He's good and his family is very good to me. he turned out to be a guy that a girl would swoon to have. It turned out to be good. Until such time, we would have misunderstandings of certain things. Oops! We're NOT a couple yet. I bet it's just like that.

Things get worse then we're good again. That unending cycle repeats. I wish I haven't been there. Then again, a choice is a choice.

One day, I just stopped. I cannot be a fool anymore. After a 'same-day-fight-again', I just told him,"This woman in front of you is not just into you." It wasn't just a movie title, it is REAL. I don't a man who would just take me for granted.

For all pals out there, we don't need those boys who got irritating tranquility in their stomach! We deserve someone better! I don't pity myself for not having a guy in my life right now. I'm just thankful I have the chance of pulling off to my mom and dad and my dear friends.

RP’s Efren Peñaflorida is 2009 CNN Hero of the Year

Embodying the spirit of Filipino volunteerism that bloomed in this stormy year, Efren Peñaflorida Jr. was named CNN Hero of the Year, the international news network announced on Sunday (Manila time). The Cavite City native pioneered a brand of mobile education, or the "pushcart classroom," for urban poor youth.

Peñaflorida, fondly called "Kuya F," was named 2009 CNN Hero of the Year. In his acceptance speech, he said: "Each person has a hidden hero within, you just have to look inside you and search it in your heart, and be the hero to the next one in need." Sophia Dedace file photo "Efren Peñaflorida, who started a ‘pushcart classroom’ in the Philippines to bring education to poor children as an alternative to gang membership, has been named the 2009 CNN Hero of the Year," the world-renowned Cable News Network said in an article posted on its Web site.

The 28-year-old Peñaflorida will receive $100,000 from CNN. The network's top anchor Anderson Cooper announced the winner at the conclusion of the annual awards ceremony.

Earlier, Peñaflorida told GMANews.TV that should he win, he would pledge the prize money to the children that his group, the Dynamic Teen Company, is helping.

In his acceptance speech at the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood, CNN quoted him as saying: "Serve, serve well, serve others above yourself and be happy to serve. As I always tell my co-volunteers... you are the change that you dream as I am the change that I dream and collectively we are the change that this world needs to be."

The taped event will be aired on November 26, CNN said.

Peñaflorida won over nine other "CNN heroes," seven of whom were American. One of them, 20-year-old Jordan Thomas, lost both his legs in a boating accident and set up a foundation that provides prosthetics to poor children who have also lost limbs.

News of Peñaflorida's selection spread briskly among Filipinos through the Internet. One Facebook user, Kristine Fonacier, had recently spent a year as a volunteer in Guyana. "We need all the hope that we can get from our Manny Pacquiaos," Fonacier wrote. "But here Efren Penaflorida has made a name for himself on the global stage not because he's enormously successful or fabulously wealthy, but because he's given his time to 'helping others.' It's such a simple but world-changing idea, and it's high time we Filipinos get behind it."

Last October, CNN opened the online voting for its Top 10 Heroes. Peñaflorida said that being included in the top 10 alone was already an honor. Still, he refused to take credit for the recognition. "If the people vote for me, they are actually voting for the poor kids DTC is teaching and the dedicated volunteers behind this work," he earlier said.

CNN said more than 2.75 million votes were cast during the seven-week online voting. The network, however, did not indicate how many votes Peñaflorida got.

Peñaflorida, who hails from Cavite City in Cavite province Philippines, started the Dynamic Teen Company in 1997.

His group used “Kariton Klassrooms" or mobile pushcarts to reach out and teach underprivileged children [See: A CNN hero started with a pushcart full of hopes].

The DTC has now over 2,000 members teaching basic reading and writing, and even personal hygiene to marginalized children in slum areas in Cavite using pushcarts filled with books, pens, tables and chairs.

From CNN.com:

Peñaflorida gives his acceptance speech at the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood on Saturday (Sunday, Manila time). The "CNN Heroes: All Star Tribute" will air on CNN on November 26. CNN.com screen grab

Efren Peñaflorida, who started a "pushcart classroom" in the Philippines to bring education to poor children as an alternative to gang membership, has been named the 2009 CNN Hero of the Year.

CNN's Anderson Cooper revealed Peñaflorida's selection at the conclusion of the third-annual "CNN Heroes: An All-Star Tribute" at the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood on Saturday night.

The gala event, taped before an audience of 3,000 at the Kodak Theatre, premieres on Thanksgiving, November 26, at 9 p.m. ET/PT on the global networks of CNN.

The broadcast, which honors the top 10 CNN Heroes of 2009, features performances by Grammy Award-winning artist Carrie Underwood, R&B crooner Maxwell and British pop sensation Leona Lewis.

Peñaflorida, who will receive $100,000 to continue his work with the Dynamic Teen Company, was selected after seven weeks of online voting at CNN.com. More than 2.75 million votes were cast.

"Our planet is filled with heroes, young and old, rich and poor, man, woman of different colors, shapes and sizes. We are one great tapestry," Peñaflorida said upon accepting the honor. "Each person has a hidden hero within, you just have to look inside you and search it in your heart, and be the hero to the next one in need.

"So to each and every person inside in this theater and for those who are watching at home, the hero in you is waiting to be unleashed. Serve, serve well, serve others above yourself and be happy to serve. As I always tell to my co-volunteers ... you are the change that you dream as I am the change that I dream and collectively we are the change that this world needs to be."

The top 10 CNN Heroes, chosen by a blue-ribbon panel from an initial pool of more than 9,000 viewer nominations, were each honored with a documentary tribute and introduced by a celebrity presenter. Each of the top 10 Heroes receives $25,000.

"With the recognition they receive on our stage," said Cooper, who hosted the tribute, "they'll be able to help thousands and thousands of people. Through their efforts, lives will be changed and lives will be saved."

Maxwell sang "Help Somebody" from his first album in eight years, 'BLACKsummers'night.'

Lewis, a three-time Grammy nominee, performed "Happy," from her second album, "Echo."

All three performances echoed the spirit of the CNN Heroes campaign, which salutes everyday people whose extraordinary accomplishments are making a difference in their communities and beyond.

Presenters included Nicole Kidman, Kate Hudson, Neil Patrick Harris, Pierce Brosnan, Dwayne Johnson, Eva Mendes, Randy Jackson, Greg Kinnear, George Lopez and Julia Louis-Dreyfus.

"This record number of nominations is further evidence of the momentum CNN Heroes has built in just a few short years," said Jim Walton, president of CNN Worldwide.

"Viewers have been engaged by these stories of inspiration and accomplishment beyond our expectations. It is truly an honor to be able to introduce the CNN Heroes to our global audience every year."

Again this year, producer/director Joel Gallen served as executive producer of "CNN Heroes: An All-Star Tribute." Among his credits, Gallen produced telethon events supporting victims of the September 11 terrorist attacks and Hurricane Katrina, winning an Emmy Award and a Peabody Award for "America: A Tribute to Heroes."

The Kodak Theatre is best known as the first permanent home of the Academy Awards.

Here are the 2009 Top 10 CNN Heroes:

Brad Blauser Brad Blauser is providing hope and mobility to disabled children and their families in Iraq. Since 2005, his Wheelchairs for Iraqi Kids program has distributed nearly 650 free pediatric wheelchairs to children in need.

Roy Foster Army veteran Roy Foster started Stand Down House to help veterans struggling with addiction and homelessness in Florida. Since 2000, his program has provided life-changing services to nearly 900 veterans.

Doc Hendley Bartender Doc Hendley is providing clean water to communities worldwide. Through creative fundraising, his nonprofit Wine to Water has brought sustainable water systems to 25,000 people in five countries.

Andrea Ivory Breast cancer survivor Andrea Ivory is bringing early detection to the doorsteps of uninsured women. With mobile mammography vans, her group has provided more than 500 free screenings in Miami, Florida.

Betty Makoni Zimbabwe native Betty Makoni founded the Girl Child Network to provide a haven for young victims of sexual abuse. The organization has rescued more than 35,000 girls since 2001.

Jorge Munoz School bus driver Jorge Munoz is helping hungry New Yorkers make it through tough times. Since 2004, he has handed out more than 70,000 meals from his mobile soup kitchen in Queens -- for free.

Efren Peñaflorida Efren Peñaflorida gives Filipino youth an alternative to gang membership through education. His Dynamic Teen Company's 10,000 members have taught basic reading and writing to 1,500 kids living in the slums.

Budi Soehardi Budi Soehardi founded a children's home in one of the poorest areas of Indonesia. Today, Roslin Orphanage in West Timor provides food, shelter and education to more than 45 children.

Derrick Tabb Derrick Tabb started The Roots of Music to give young people an alternative to New Orleans' streets. His music education program provides free tutoring, instruments and music instruction to more than 100 students.

Jordan Thomas Jordan Thomas, 20, of Chattanooga, Tennessee, lost both of his legs in a boating accident in 2005. Since then, his Jordan Thomas Foundation has raised more than $400,000 to provide prosthetics for children in need. - GMANews.TV

--->Now, who said that a person from a third world country cannot change the world?

What's Happening?

I just finished reading Conrado De Quiro's column (There's the Rub) about destiny. Well, obviously, I'm a fan. Months ago, I began to question certain things; from my personal life, to our country, to the people of our country.

What's happening?

That is the question I really want to get an answer.

Personally, I was feeling exhausted, tired and again, suicidal. I really don't know why I had pitied myself for the past weeks. Thank God, I'm up and about again. Though, I really can't explain why I'm too worried about everything and anything about a certain thing or person. I was too confused why I am passing through the needle's eye. By then, what's happening?

To the citizens of our country, where are we? What's happening? I really can't understand why we keep on mocking each other and continue to maintain our crab mentality. When things get better for the well-offs, the worst things are happening to the masses. Where is our compassion? Students of high-class institutions keep on uttering the English language whereas they are in the Philippines. Where is the nationalistic dynamite within us, the future of the nation?Basta ako, ang alam ko, ginagamit ko ang Ingles sa pagsusulat dahil mas nailalabas ko ang aking sarili sa midyum na ito. Mahal ko ang bayan ko.Eventhough I still regard myself as a little bit bias. Pero nagsasalita ako ng wikang Filipino tuwing nakikipag-usap ako.

What is happening to our leaders? What do they really want? I know people are not perfect but I can't see they are trying hard to serve their countrymen unconditionally.

I just want to point out one hot issue in the field of politics. Sen. Mar Roxas withdrawing for his presidential candidacy to give way to the only son of Sen. Ninoy (who is a co-Bedan) and the late Pres. and Mother of Democracy, Cory Aquino. I think that is a very heroic act; that was a selfless act. Whatever maybe his intentions, he showed all of us that power should not be a crowning glory but an obligation and an opportunity to serve.

I just want to ask the current president, what is happening? Ms. Arroyo, what happened? What will happen? As a youth, as a citizen, i don't know what did your position do to you to make selfish acts; to be a liar and to be a thief!

I believe that every human being is good but still, what is happening? What is happening to the free will that the Most High has given us?

Indeed, what is happening to the world? Continuous recessions, natural calamities, wars, political outbreaks. My mind has been filled with this single question. Sometimes, I just think, that the world itself has bowed down to us.

I just wish all of us would ask ourselves, "What's happening?" and if we would find the right answer, we'll all out it into actions. Actions that everyone can benefit. Actions that can make us all proud that we are human beings: the most beloved creature of the Lord.

Don’t live by the past, leave it.

(as written last Feb. 2009)
It was a hard semester for me. I was trying to pretend I’m okay. After all, I am. I’ve outlived my fears and I am rising up again. I’ve never regret anything that happened to me. I guess this is what God wants to tell and show me.

We always tend to look back. We always see our past. Even love stories are based on the past. I was, back then. But now, I never wanted to. Life has taught me why and I want to share it. I get it. You’ll never understand until you experience it by yourself.

I’m not fond of fairytales. I’m fond of facts; undeniable achieving facts. Deeply rooted manifestation and achieving goals with an ace have been my priorities in my life. What is this? Still with the topic? It is. You’ll get it along the way. Just put a little patience my friend. We’ll get through that.

I just can’t live leaving my past. That’s the biggest issue I had outlived now. Oh my, a lot of obstacles can tell why. I don’t know how many stories I have been repeatedly saying about my past, why I am achieving because of my past, why I am like this, bla, bla, bla. Until I got tired (I think so). I just can’t take the agony anymore. It’s ruining the whole me.

Maybe God wanted me to learn to move on. During my early teen days, I was like, “Yeah right. Move on. You don’t know what you’re saying.” I was wrong. I really don’t know what I’m saying. I’m filled with ‘what if’, ‘but’, ‘how’. The reason is that I kept on looking back on my past. I was confined in a box. I don’t want to take any new steps with my life. I stayed on my comfort zone. Like this, writing. But I’ve done beyond being deep in writing. Way back then, I just want my articles to be read by myself and sometimes, the whole student buddy in our school. Now what? I’ve learned and loved to share my thoughts to anyone else.

Behind me, there’s a voice telling me, “You should be like your mom; very intelligent, introvert, practical.” Many said that I am really like her (intelligently and mentally speaking). So what is this going to do about leaving your past? My! If you can’t be like your mom or dad, leave your own special mark. Don’t hide in their shadow. How did I do it by myself? I studied here in Manila, took up the same course like my mom (‘cause I really love it and it’s my passion!) but I was the first of our clan to study in the lion’s den (mind you I hurdled all those entrance exams). I think I already aced one with that.

Honestly, it’s very hard for me to share it about leaving my past. I did a total mess with my life. Despite of that, I did manage to stand up. Just look up the skies, the birds, the trees, your parents and the only person that will never forsake you. Who else? GOD. I just don’t know how to live another morning without Him. Exaggerated, huh? I’m just telling the truth.

So why live with your past if there’s a long road ahead? Yes, I was asking the same question when I was just beginning to love my very own self, my family and HIM.

Currently, I’m expecting something for myself and my family: seeing my name in the list of second year Accountancy students who are qualified to go take a leap on the next level. I know I did it. I have a positive outlook that God and I did it. I did my best and God put His will on it.

I had an encounter with my major subject professor. He almost dropped me. I was very afraid. Who would not? When he told me about what I did, I felt that it was like the end of my dream. Ahhh! I want to shout. I hurriedly called my mom crying saying I’m sorry. It was one of the hardest things that I told her. But then again, my mom just keeps uplifting me.

I almost gave up. I don’t want to be the talk-of-the-town-for-not-so-good-reason. I already want to transfer to another school. I’m already filing my application form and then suddenly I talked to God on what’s really happening into my life. Don’t give up! That’s what I’ve heard from Him. This is a battle that you should learn how to win.

My desire to achieve more and show other people ‘I can’ made me a stronger person. Sometimes, I can’t just stop looking back at the past. But now, I’m trying to go on. For it is really true that you can only go on with a peaceful mind if you leave behind your past. It is good to make the past as your stepping stone but it is no good to live with your past.

Let me share this to you. Sometime in February, my life is concentrated again in achieving things. I want to excel in everything I do. This is also the time I had a real encounter with God. Know why? I felt so alone, depressed and for a short interval: insane. My! You would really think that was totally awful and it is! Then I finally realized that I was sent here not only to study and get to know more about things but also to get to know more about Him. I took time to reflect on my past. I just think over and over about my past until I said: “Stop!” I really reach that point. I was telling myself: “Hey, girl! Stand up! Don’t stay on the ground. Pick up those pieces and move on. Life has a lot to offer.”

I’m still in the process of leaving my past. Yes, who could give it up in just one click? I’m achieving not because I want it but because I need it. I have my purpose for it. I can say that achieving for me right now is in harmony. I did break rules and that upset me much. I’ve appreciated the laws and everything about rules right now. I still fight. I fight for the right. I still look back. I look back to things for guide. I still love my past but I never wanted to go back. Why? Because life has always been in a forward motion. Not backwards.

Facts and Tales

Here we go again. Not that this story is in my blog already but this is another story of rumors, issues about me. Now, I will answer all those undying issues in my own repertoire and in the most honest way.

For the past months, I didn't know that issues regarding me and a blockmate did roam the corners of our year level. That's what I think; only in our year level. I don't want to talk about her because I really respect her even though many would not believe. What really hurts me, my cousins, is that she keeps talking to other people what we had agreed to be between us only. Now, I don't really want to argue about confidentiality here right now because the rumors are all over.

For my block mates who'll find my blog site, their luck because they can find the answers here. To those who won't, I'm sorry. Just continue asking that to your friend. After six months of keeping quiet, here are the answers to the questions you are dying to get (even though you don't really know the true story and worse, you don't really know me):

1.) Is Kuya Alex only fiction?
-NO.
2.) Why is it that everytime they plan to meet it always fail?
-Is it my fault or our fault that serendipity always happen? I don't know. That I leave to the one above.
3.) Do I envy her? Everytime there is a quiz in accounting something would happen to Kuya.
-I don't. I'm contented with what I have. She's intelligent and I believe so do I. I never wanted her to be out from the program never did that pop up my mind.
4.) Why is there no Ateneo memo?
-There is. Actually, my cousins told me not to talk about it already. Ate Bea, I'm so sorry. Just couldn't take it. What do you want me to do? Go to Ateneo and get it from the person I don't even know who to contact? My friends are already pissed off about this issue. They don't even want me to go there already.
5.) Why was he burried in the U.S.?
-He's a U.S. citizen. I didn't know about that until she asked me. 'Di ko nga alam yun na pinsan na ako, siya pa kaya. She should've asked my cousin about that. Her parents and her only sister are already in the U.S. for good. If you want to go and see his grave kindly go to Longbeach, California. Go find my cousin's grave.
6.) Why didn't you defend or yourself?
-If I had known it earlier, I might. My gosh! I've just learned about it last Tues. Now tell me. Where will I start? If I know all of you asking have already believed in her story. As I've said, the story bossomed without my knowledge, so it should end without me talking about it.
7.) Did you really tell her that I only lie to her?
-NO. Ask her again about the true story behind it.
8.) Am I sick?
-Yes. I beg all of you already know that. But only physically, not mentally.
9.) Are your other cousins true?
-Definitely yes! What am I? Crazy? If you want to see them just go to Novaliches, Q.C. Or if you're still not convinced, go to NSO and find my cousins names. Oh, I wouldn't give you their names. Struggle to know their full names.
10.) Are you guilty?
-DEFINITELY NOT! It's tue that I cried when I learned about it. I cried because the pain of losing my cousin is still there. Come to think of this. Your guy firnd died in January 2007. Your cousin, a doctor, died on July 2008 then your teenage cousin died on December 2008. Do you think I can surpass all of that easily?

Now that I have answered all those funny questions you've made, there is only one thing that my family and i wanted to have: PEACE. Let my cousin be in peace so do us.

KUDOS!

We are READY

19 June 2009- An issue from the Rector-President of San Beda College-Mendiola issued a notice for a week suspension of classes due to a confirmed case of Influenza A(H1N1)in the campus. Five students have been confirmed to have the said viral disease.

Every one accepted the news with a calm response. Others panicked, paranoid because their friends had a physical contact with the victims still others are happy because classes are suspended for a week.

A(h1n1) is a viral disease. A simple contact to a person with this disease can let you acquire this disease also. Our school may have this case but I can say that we are ready.

Why?

We are ready to face the challenges. We are ready for a brand new start. We are ready to face the new challenges that will come ahead. Better, we are prepared for the upcoming days.

Classes are suspended but there are upcoming duties to do. Online teaching has been introduced.
To my fellow Bedans, the one week suspension is not a time for happy events, vacation but a time to be prepared for the upcoming days. We should stay fit and healthy keeping our side different preventive measures. This is our time to double time in our studies, read in advance and value each time we have right now.

Have a flu-free week!

ORA ET LABORA
UT IN OMNIBUS GLORICIFETUR DEUS