I'm just trying to be HAPPY :)

I never used an emoticon in my life. The one above is just for an image factor. That's actually a line from Leona Lewis' song HAPPY. When I heard it, I got kick off from my seat because of it's concoction in my brain. That's how I live and I can never forget the lines. It stabbed me directly into the left corner of my chest.

Things had been so hard for the past couple of months for me. I've got too much in my head plus the fact that I was carrying something in my heart. But I have one rule: DEAL WITH IT!

I go on with my life normally. Now, I can laugh the hardest way possibly I could. I can honestly say that sometimes I would just open my books and notes and just stare at them. The next day, I still got good grades (do not tolerate it!). A plague has taken over me. I tried to rest for how many weeks. Effortlessly, i still got what I wanted with school and friends.

Then again, I keep on telling myself, "Stop that! Who are you? You're not Julie Ann! Wake up!" I did. Just a couple of days ago. I couldn't be more insensitive to myself. I've got so much to deal with.

Honestly, I couldn't be happier because I'm back to my senses again. I'm back to the old me, just an improvised one.

...Holding on tightly, just can't let it go
Just trying to play role, slowly to disappear
But all these days, they feel like they're the same
Just different faces, different names, get me out of here
But I can't stand by your side
And watch this life pass me by

And I can't take to just play a role. No, I'm moving on from the things I've stupidly done for the past weeks. normal for others or so but so stupid for me. I've become a rebel in my own way. I've rebelled to my own self. I bowed to the evil me. As the fifth and sixth lines said, I can't stand to be on my own self living like this. I'd rather die. More so, I can't let my life pass me by.

My wheel has turned again: into a better schema. All I can think now is the present and the future. I love speaking to my parents more than ever I was born. I am dignified in facing the corporate world, full of challenges, full of distractions.

...So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world throws me off the edge
My feet off the the ground?

So what if the things I've done and trying to do would knock me out and break down again? Isn't life a psychological phase of learning? I don't really care if I have to cry on my mom's lap again. Everything might be thrown on my face but I will never cry on things that brings me down. Most of all, I don't give a big hesitance if it brings me to another planet. I still got my attitude with me.

... All I'm trying to say, I just want to be HAPPY!

She's really not just into you.

I kept on bugging myself when in fact I shouldn't. Yes, I'm still alive, just busy doing things more significant in my life now. Oh well, things have changed really.

I've met new friends. Sort of, like the person in this blog. Well, he's not that really new. I've met him wayback when stars and the moon aren't friends yet. My friends said he has huge crush on me. As always, as if I cared too much on that issue. I would just laugh with them. We would talk but just an 'inviting talk'. Like, "Uy, kain na daw... Pupunta ka ba? Aalis na kayo?... Ingat!" Just very casual lines.

Then, he would often go with my friends when we go out. We started knowing each other. We would now have a clear conversation. He started calling and texting me like my friends. Still, I don't believe it was his way of getting to know me more because what they say, he's going to court you any time.

Well, it did happen. Yes, it did excite me at first. He's good and his family is very good to me. he turned out to be a guy that a girl would swoon to have. It turned out to be good. Until such time, we would have misunderstandings of certain things. Oops! We're NOT a couple yet. I bet it's just like that.

Things get worse then we're good again. That unending cycle repeats. I wish I haven't been there. Then again, a choice is a choice.

One day, I just stopped. I cannot be a fool anymore. After a 'same-day-fight-again', I just told him,"This woman in front of you is not just into you." It wasn't just a movie title, it is REAL. I don't a man who would just take me for granted.

For all pals out there, we don't need those boys who got irritating tranquility in their stomach! We deserve someone better! I don't pity myself for not having a guy in my life right now. I'm just thankful I have the chance of pulling off to my mom and dad and my dear friends.